Poor Richard's Scorecard

Imagine What the Lower Merion School District Would Have Done if Blake Robbins Had Been Eating M&Ms

The most startling information to emerge from the well-publicized lawsuit filed by a Lower Merion family this week against the township school district is not that:

• School officials are alleged to have remotely activated a laptop webcam to spy on a student. (School officials are charter members of the Don't You Guys Have Anything Better to Do? Club.)
• Parents reacted to a perceived slight by filing a suit in federal court. (It's Lower Merion, the Official Home of Helicopter Parents.)
  
• County and federal law enforcement are investigating. (Grandstanding DAs and feds sniffing around a sensational story? Who'd have thought?)
• The story has gone global. (The only thing missing is sex, which would have sent the news interplanetary.)

No, the most surprising facet of the story is this:

Phodder: Someone Please Tell Vince Fumo That His Diet Is Now Bread and Water, Not Whine and Cheese

• As if Vince Fumo's lawyers weren't sufficiently tone-deaf, now they're bitching about his country-club prison being too far away for his family to visit. Dude, it's, like, jail. It's supposed to be hard.
• Make you a deal, Philadelphia Media Holdings: I'll support your "Keep It Local" campaign for the Inquirer, the Daily News, and philly.com if you give me more local reporting instead of the reams and reams of wire copy I now have to wade through.
• The recent 40th anniversary of Woodstock elicited several breathless, overhyped stories in the Sunday Inquirer recently. For the 40th anniversary of the Internet, readers got merely a wire-service analysis buried in the Tuesday business section. And papers wonder why young people aren't reading.
• Curt Schilling's musings about a political run surely must originate in his belief that it isn't fair for Jim Bunning to be the only loudmouth psycho Republican ex-Phillies pitcher in the Senate.
• I'm glad I'm still young enough to see the cultural value of the Fringe Festival to the city. And I'm glad I'm now old enough not to have to convince myself that I have to go. | PRS

If Michael Vick Played Like Doug Pederson, Do You Think the Eagles Would Be Giving Him a Second Chance? Me, Neither

Admit it: When you first saw the headline, you thought it was from The Onion.

Eagles Sign Michael Vick

No way on earth, no chance in hell, that the news could be true. The squarest franchise in pro sports signing football's most notorious (at least this week) ex-con? After getting torched by Terrell Owens, who did nothing more than whine about his quarterback and do crunches in his driveway, the Birds surely would want to stay as far as possible from a guy who did unspeakable things to dogs and went to prison for it. Right?

Wrong.

Phodder: Well, at Least It's More Productive Governing Than Appearing on 'Eagles Post-Game Live'

How considerate of Governor Rendell to take time out of his schedule to write kind words on behalf of his good buddy, convicted felon Vince Fumo. Seriously, enough: Public officials who abuse their position for personal gain--and that's what Senator Fumo did--should not be allowed to hide behind their political accomplishments (or, perhaps, "accomplishments") in whining for leniency. Throw him under the bus already. ... With the breathless Pedro frenzy and Halladay hoopla we find ourselves in the middle of, it's worth remembering that last year's pitching acquisition, Joe Blanton, has quietly put together a very solid first half of the season. ... Kudos to Congressman Patrick Murphy and Inquirer columnist Monica Yant Kinney for their recent courageous and politically unpopular stands--and best wishes in dealing with the hate that surely followed. ... Threatened program cuts and layoffs are among the scare tactics the governor is employing to strike a budget deal that includes a tax increase. May I respectfully request that we put liquor-store privatization on the table as a means to reduce state payroll and boost tax revenue? ... I'm completely okay with Charlie Manuel tapping Ryan Howard and Jayson Werth for all-star honors. To the victor go the spoils, yaknowwhatImean? | PRS

Phodder, a collection of brief thoughts regarding some of the week's happenings in and around Philadelphia, appears Saturdays in Poor Richard's Scorecard.

Phodder: For a Guy Who Doesn't Wield a Paint Brush, Timothy Rub Is Earning a Lot of Notice from the Art Press

Happy birthday, America! ... Wow, did the Inquirer spend an awful lot of column-inches on the incoming director of the Philadelphia Museum of Art. ... The Phillies had no compunction about punting Brett Myers to Lehigh Valley last season to straighten out his head and let him play through his fog without hurting the club; at what point do they start thinking about the same tactic for Jimmy Rollins? ... Discussions about shunting Interstate 95 away from the Delaware River waterfront in Center City to open up that vastly underused area for much-needed development are long overdue. Yet I worry about the algebra: Massive public-works project + Philadelphia = epic corruption. It would make Boston's Big Dig look like a Boy Scout meeting. ... The city's postponement of parking rate hikes is all well and good, but doing something about the crippling cost of doing business would have greater long-term impact. ... The saturation coverage of the double murder at the Piazza at Schmidt's again raises the question of why we don't pay such attention to all victims--including, say, the ones who aren't noted figures on the local club scene. ... Brian Boucher arrives, Mike Knuble departs; I don't like that math. | PRS

Phodder, a collection of brief thoughts regarding some of the week's happenings in and around Philadelphia, appears Saturdays in Poor Richard's Scorecard.

Phodder: Westbrook Gets Cut, Mendte Gets Nothing

Time for a new weekly feature, friends: Brief thoughts on things I intended to write more about over the last week but never got around to. Rather than abandon them entirely, I'll try to post those top-of-the-head musings here each Saturday. Let's get started:

Buddy Ryan Probably Graded Madoff an A-Double-Plus

Great lede from Will Bunch yesterday:

It turns out that hiring Rich Kotite may not have been the worst decision that former Eagles' owner Norman Braman made after all.

Braman, the megabucks Miami car dealer who owned the Eagles from 1985 through 1994, is one of a number of wealthy people, along with charities, banks and hedge funds, to lose massive sums of money in what authorities are now calling the largest Ponzi scheme ever.

Braman may have been a bit of a buffoon as a pro sports owner, but you don't make the kind of money he made by being stupid. On the other hand, an awful lot of smart and success people lost an awful lot of money thanks to Bernie Madoff's alleged transgressions, so one of WIP's favorite former targets is in good company. Think he takes any comfort in that? Me, neither. Oh, and by the way:

Bunch was wrong. Nothing will top the Kotite hiring in the pantheon of bad decisions.

Where Have You Gone, Cole Hamels?

That comforting civic warmth that blanketed the region during and after the Phillies' amazing playoff run has dissipated awfully quickly. Real life careened back into our collective consciousness with speed and force. The Nutter administration announced a series of crippling budget cuts designed to keep Philadelphia afloat until the nationwide economic crisis eases, though given the state of the city's finances, it's not hard to envision those cuts taking on some kind of permanence. And on Monday, a Philadelphia police sergeant on his way to a robbery was killed in a car accident allegedly caused by a drunk-driving, lifelong loser.

Turning to our teams for solace does us no good these days. The Flyers and Sixers are inconsistent, and, besides, it's far too early in the long slogs of their respective seasons to invest anything more than marginal interest. College hoops have started, but, again, November games hardly resonate the way February and March tilts do; and then there's the fact that it is hated Villanova that seems likely to carry the city's flag this season. And the Eagles are an absolute mess, a team with no identity and no future.

As my friend Bill asked in a Facebook comment the other day, when do pitches and catchers report? | PRS

What's Next? The Phanatic, Swoop, and Hip-Hop Stealing a Kid's Ice Cream Money and Kicking His Puppy?

Brazen attacks in very public places, in broad daylight? Check, and check.

An ongoing war against cops? Check.

A city government packed with nepotistic hacks and unable to decide whether it even wants to begin treading the ethics path? Check.

The various negative perceptions so much of the country has about Philadelphia have converged over the past several days in a sad orgy of lawlessness, violence, and incompetence. Mayor Nutter, baby, I love ya, but it's time to act on the mandate city voters gave you last November. They wanted, and deserve, transparency and accountability. Give them that and you might, over time, see more businesses and residents moving back into the city and filling the public coffers with scratch that will enable you to finally do something about improving schools, hiring more cops, and slowing down the insane cycle of killing. Let's not wait for the next civic embarrassment, okay? | PRS

Colonel Miller, Meet Coach Reid. No, You May Not Call Him 'Andy.'

Jeffrey Miller's recently announced departure from his role as commissioner of the Pennsylvania State Police for a security post with the National Football League will bring to an end one of the more annoying public-service announcements to air on Philadelphia radio over the last couple of years. As part of the staties' "click it or ticket" campaign to urge drivers and passengers to buckle up, Miller recorded voiceovers warning of the consequences of failing to use seatbelts. In introducing himself to listeners, he used only his title and last name, "Colonel Miller," as if we mere state residents were far too lowly to be granted the priviledge of knowing the first name of the mighty state police head. Small potatoes, to be sure, but a reminder of the paternalistic attitude too many cops have toward us regular folks. Good luck with Bill Belichick, Colonel. | PRS